Hello Internet World,
Well its Friday and I am just again falling behind I had this down where I was writing it on the day it was for. Now I am a day late it seems and have been for awhile. So this is for Yesterday Thursday the 14th. Well it started off good. Kinda sucked though lilly was sick I am praying she doesn't get me sick I am still trying to be strong lol. So anyways I wake up make some coffee take my pill its about 8am had trouble sleeping wed night. So once again I am being so bad to my body I may drink a coffee and bottle of water but as far as food. NOTHING! I am so bad about eating it is so hard for me. I guess the life of a writer your more worried about pleasing everyone and coming up with something that is the next big thing I cant stop thinking about it. I have been writing a lot and I think that is why I am having a hard time sleeping as well trying to make it is the hardest thing I feel like the weight of the world on my shoulders, I seem to eat breath sleep and feel that I have a number 1 in me it needs to come out. I am also trying to force my body to hurry up I want to be able to look the way a public figure should. I DON'T EVER EXPECT to be a stick thin girl I AM NOT A SUPERMODEL I AM A SINGER SONGWRITER LOL.
But I still have to love myself enough to be able to wear things. My best friend asked me the other day Melissa what happen to music video you were making???
I wanted to cry when I had to not say how I really felt but that I got to fat to make a video I was embarrassed that being alone and told no no no from record labels and producers and vp and writers telling me Sorry not there yet. and losing my number one fan to cancer because the VA thought a cancer test was just a bit expensive errrrrr. I anyways start thinking again I have to eat I am not going to lose if I burn burn burn calories and not add any fuel or help my body take good things in to create energy and burn fat.
So I still screw up after all that I go in the kitchen and just make a shakeology shake its is like 11am I drink that nasty shit and keep writing. yes I say nasty ewww it taste like apples cinnamint and ass uh. but I again my method hold my breath chug it like a beer bong lol and it is so nasty. but then I get my energy in then I take off and go run my errands for the day and do some work
So lets see I get home its afternoon I had to have my landlord come over fix some shit lol I hate that about having a private landlord but hey it life what can you do I guess in a way its better then owning right now and something breaking and not having enough to fix it or worst spending my music money on a water heater or something crazy like that. So waste time listening to him and then After I had to get motivated I had company coming into town this weekend so I had to hurry up get some food in and get ready to work out so I did just that.
3:50 Eat tuna and double fiber bread and kettle cook chips I am pretty plain and eat a lot of things over and over and over. so you know the deal let it digest and then talk to lilly I get unmotivated dwhen she gets home so we start talking and hanging out and watching tv. and again nothing until I get the text on the way I was like crap time to workout and some how I was already hungry again shit. I dont even care I motivate and press play instead of cardio recovery I do the cardio restiance again I need the most calories burn I almost want to skip the r4ecovery week or find a way to shorten I am not making it I have 16 days and not enough time. I really need to bust butt I have decided I am going to take the program with me and if I have to I will work out a min of 3 out of 7 days. That's not unfair to myself. I will also have the max ones it will be my second week. who knows maybe I can find some cruisers to do it with me haha. I was thinking go to the gym say 7 in the morning no one is in the Arabic's area play it on the lap top and see who follows. I am a leader if you don't know me I am I work hard for what I want. If I want something I get it. That's me. So It like 8 15 I am finally done with working out and I go shower and get ready I know I should have ate something but I didn't. here it2 1/2 laters I am finally getting to eat and when I do it was not healthy it was stuffed crust pizza oh no!
Granted it did taste amazing I shouldn't have had that and worst no veggies nothing shit just carbs and lots of it I try to take it easy have 2 small pieces but I still felt guilty.
Other then that hung out for a bit drank some water which I also failed on I did not even get close to a gallon I was off by like maybe 3 water bottles which is 16.5x3.
see not good.
Well I hope I do better today but will be hard with company here but am going to try. I hope everyone has a awesome and blessed day.
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